We are doing it wrong. Build Your Community! (Ep.1 Closed Captions)

Today we will be talking about a topic that is somewhat controversial in the western countries, building a community of like-minded people. In a sense, I think we have been tricked into thinking we should do everything on our own and not trust the people around us, but today we are going to talk about finding your community and all the benefits that come with it. 

• What is a community

• Church

• Neighbors

• Family

• Friends

• Parent Groups

• Charity Events

• The benefits

• So, why would you care? What are the benefits to going out of your way to talk to and meet people at all these places. Well, lets start with networking! These are the perfect places to find opportunities for business relationships and mentorships. Not only does this build relationships for yourself, but also for your kids. Recently, at a parent group meet up, I had mentioned to the group of moms that my son was interested in mechanics when he gets out of high school. One of the other moms then offered to let my son mentor with her husband who owned his own mechanic shop and gave me her number. Now, we have an internship lined up for my son when he graduates this year and it would have never happened if I didnt get out of my comfort zone to attend one of these meet up’s and actually talk to other people. 

• Tied to networking, another benefit to finding a community is being able to learn from each other. Sure, we have google for when we have questions about anything, but nothing compares to going to an event and talking to people. For instance, I attend bible study once a week. I could technically read the bible on my own and ask google about things I dont understand, but there is a different sense of belonging and growth when I’m able to ask my questions to real person and be able to converse. I also feel like when I talk to someone in person, the information sticks with me for a longer period of time. This type of communication is beneficial in both my professional and personal life.

• Not only will you be able to network and learn from each other, studies show that building a community reduces the feelings of stress and isolation. We are and always have been social creatures. If we are left isolated for too long we become stressed, anxious and less tolerant of everything around us. The goal is to break this cycle of doing everything alone and learn to talk to each other and accept help from others. 

• My story

• If you're wondering why I’m so passionate about this topic, its because I have seen how much of an impact it can make! There are two books I read that really got me thinking about the way I was living my life. The first one is called “Your fully charged life” and the second one is called “hunt, gather, parent”. 

• To help understand how I became the social butterfly I am today, we have to go back to the beginning of my professional career… When I was 17, I was lucky enough to get an internship at a major company. I was so excited to start, but at that time I would describe myself as an introvert. I would keep my head down, mind my own business and only involve myself with tasks that had to do with me and my job. The boss gave me my tasks, I did them to the best of my ability and I went home. I didn't talk to anyone if it wasn't necessary and heck, I didn't even answer my phone at work because I would get such anxiety not knowing what the call was about before hand. I would simply let it ring and wait a couple minutes and sent an e mail saying “looks like I missed your call, what can I help you with?” in hopes that they wouldnt call again and they would just respond to the e mail. This went on for YEARS! I was an intern for 6 years while I went to college and by the time I was finishing college and wanted a full time job, they basically told me that they would create a “junior” position for me. I was heartbroken because I had been part of the company for 6 years already and knew the job just as well as any other regular employee. I started asking other students who had been converted to full time positions if they had to do this “junior” position first and I noticed something. Those of us who were quiet, didnt go to the networking events, never answered questions in meetings and just got our tasks done had the same experience, while those students who were more outgoing and talkative and were friends with everyone got the regular full time positions. 

• One of these people was my best work friend. She always had an outgoing personality, she loved talking to people and volunteered with everything from throwing a christmas party to inviting others to her house for team building exercises. Being her friend made me realize how different our experiences were because she took the time to meet people and make friends with everyone she came across. This lit a small spark to my journey.. Sure I knew she had a better experience because of the amount of time she spent with others and the impression she left on them, but I still wasnt ready to step out of my box and I kept telling myself that my work should speak for itself. I fought the junior role for about a year before I decided to look for a new job elsewhere. I had a specific place in mind and a specific salary I wanted to be paid. I knew that on paper everything looked good because I had the experience for other jobs, it was just the social aspect that I lacked. 

• It wasnt hard to get an interview at the new company, but before the interview came, I had to train myself for the day where I had to actually talk to the people who wanted the interview. I practiced being friendly, I watched interview videos to see how to sit, smile, what to say to be kind, etc. Needless to say, I nailed the interview and got feedback about how they loved my personality. This drove me to go to the library and find some self-help books to bring me out of my shell. “Your full charged life” was one of those first books that I read that encouraged me to be friendly and get work done. The book emphasized making meaningful connections with those around you,so I thought I would give it a try. I started smiling at people just in passing, or if we were walking the same way I would start up a short conversation. Instead of attending meetings online I would make the effort to go in person so I could be involved in the pre-and post meeting conversations and banter. Sometimes others wouldnt respond to me or be kind but I couldnt be upset because that was me not long before. I found that everyday I did this I became happier, I felt more fulfilled, I became friends with my neighbors. I got promoted twice in the last 4 years with scattered bonuses within those years. It has been such a change from who I was and I will never go back!

• Not only did it change my perspective on how I conducted business relationships, but how I wanted to run my family. The book hunt,gather,parent, was also one of the self help books I ended up reading and it really emphasises the importance of community when raising a family. Long story short, we now have many neighborhood friends and it has taken a lot of the stress off of me because I always tried to do everything alone. It makes such a difference when you have a tribe of people helping one another and having adult interaction every day. I encourage all parents to read the book and really consider what you want your life to look like.

• How to join a community

• Meet up

• Kids school events

• Volunteering for a cause you believe in

• Help your neighbors and join neighborhood events

• Join local Facebook pages

• Talk to people wherever you go